Flop Friday: You Don’t with the Zohan (2008)

PG-13, 113 minutes, Comedy

StarringAdam SandlerEmmanuelle ChriquiJohn TurturroNick SwardsonRob Schneider

If there’s two things I can count in an Adam Sandler movie is his devotion to former Saturday Night Live veterans and making Jewish references. Sometimes he hits, sometimes he misses, but the real enjoyment comes from seeing “the band” get back together. Perhaps it’s because we live in a time where actors are always trying to out-do one another, but love seeing acting troupes (B-list or otherwise) work together time after time.

Merging comedic and Jewish cast members alike into a crazy story about counter-terrorism, Adam Sandler plays Zohan, a humus-obsessed nearly-invincible sex-addict special forces operative who just really wants to cut hair. After faking his death in Israel and fleeing to America, Zohan quite literally screws his way onto the hair-styling scene. But when an old foe returns, Zohan must face the life he left behind.

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Just like that bully who stomped on my LEGOs in the 2nd grade…

It’s just that… Zohan doesn’t really work for me. I’m sure there was landslide of criticism about the religious and sexual motifs prevalent in this film, but that’s not what I want to focus on. Although, reflecting back upon that it was REALLY FREAKING WEIRD. But what I do want to talk about is the bizarre call for peace this movie slaps you across the face with. Look, it’s 2017 and back when this movie was created (2008) things were basically the same. The Middle East is at war and no one likes each other. Fantastic (note: sarcasm). But why would you come up with this utterly bizarre way of stamping a “coexist” on the audience’s brain? “Don’t panic just style and screw.” “This MUST work!”

Having semi-recently seen good Adam Sandler movies like Hotel Translyvania, Pixels, and Blended and fondly remembering older ones like Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison, I just have to say one word: WHAT?!?!? Crude humor works in the other movies, but I can’t help but wonder if something simpler like slapstick or dark satire would have worked better in Zohan. I know they can’t all be hits, but I expected more Sandler and especially from Robert Smigel, creator of the brilliant Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

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Legends are made, not born.

It’s not like there was anything really wrong with this movie other than it’s touchy subject matter. But perhaps that was the point all along: make a risky maneuver in order to promote brotherhood and hopefully entertain in the process… No matter how many known actors, musicians, and entertainers fill the screen, I just can’t get on board for free lovin’ with every ’80s hairstyle.

Rating: Don’t bother.

tl;dr
Watch: If your wires are crossed and your circuits have shorted.
Don’t watch: Religiously offensive to some and because why would anyone want to watch Sandler screw little old ladies?

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